Confession

[40cakes]

"Haven't you read," He [Jesus] replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

Forgive me Livejournal, for I have sinned in direct contradiction to this statement. I have left my father and mother, but have not united with a man, cleaving with him and merging with him to create one flesh. I knew I should've stayed at home until that day, but I jumped the gun. I'm sorry. I would however, like to say that when I do create one flesh with this man of the future, I will alert you that our great and terrible and hermaphroditic form has taken shape, and surely we will also shoot laserbeams out of our eyes. Though I want to keep my last name, so perhaps our combined monster name will also be hyphenated and terrible.

Comments

[dialogue.livejournal.com]

....I keep trying to become of one flesh with my fiance, but we can't get any surgeons to perform the grafting.

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

Damn activist doctors.

[flyinglobster.livejournal.com]

Lasers are overrated. Go for buzzsaw hands or chainsaw arms, instead - much more practical.

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

But you can't pet bunnies with buzzsaw hands!

[flyinglobster.livejournal.com]

You don't have to get all buzzsaw hands - usually one or two is more than enough. You could each get a buzzsaw hand, or one buzzsaw hand and a robotic razor claw or a host of other combinations.

Better yet, get the mix-n-match detachable stuff, so you could have a buzzsaw hand or a missile launcher or a magnetic grapple or a flamethrower. The possibilities are almost endless.

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

Oooh, detachable accessories sound good. Maybe one hand would be a permanent robot claw so you'd always have one hand to reattach the proper accessory, like a buzzsaw hand or mixer or missile launcher or lint brush and stuff.

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

In summation:

Hermaphroditus: Man, you look like a tall cold glass o' water on a hot day.
Salmacis: Let's get married!
Hermaphroditus: Um, I just wanna like, "drink from your lake."
Salmacis: LET'S GET MARRIED!
Hermaphroditus: Shit! Now I wish all my friends get set up too so they can be miserable like me! AHHHHH!

[nothingjerk.livejournal.com]

I think I saw that in an episode of Tales From the Crypt where the Cyrptkeeper read from the bible

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

AWESOME! I must've missed that one. We watched it all the time in college.

[pyrobovaphiliac.livejournal.com]

Now you have me thinking what we'd be like if we were one flesh! I'd totally want a laptop in our stomach so we could watch movies with a mirror. And when we go walking we can play music videos, and all the people walking towards us wouldn't be watching their steps and they'd trip a lot.

And we should have two feets that always have roller blades on, so it'd be like those wheely shoes but without having to lift your toe all the time.

What's your vote on head? Next to eachother is traditional, but I was thinking on top of eachother. When you think "two headed abomination" you usually don't think they'll be in parallel, it'll be a pleasant surprise.

I totally agree with you about the last name thing, hyphenated last names are certainly more terrible.

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

See, I had pictured something barely even humanoid, like this highly scientific drawing on the back of a Sudoku calendar page:

[chaosblue.livejournal.com]

Casey? No, you haven't. You're not a man. ^_^

"...a man will leave his father and mother..."

[pyrobovaphiliac.livejournal.com]

So does that mean chicks get to move out first? Considering our relationship, that's pretty accurate ^^;

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

So next time your parents ask when you're moving out, say that the Bible dictates that you must stay put until you're at the point in your life in which you're ready to cleave with a wife and form a horrid beast with laser beam eyes and a robo-claw.

...Personally, my parents think I'm bizarre.

[krajmajales.livejournal.com]

If there is something you don't like in the bible, keep looking. Whatever you want to read into it is in there somewhere. Don't believe in premarital sex? Paul tells you not to do it. Want to have premarital sex? It's endorsed in the story of Ruth and Naomi. Believe in bestiality? It's found in the Adam and Eve story in Genesis.

Religion is schizo.