OMG I think I need the Purity Princess Survivor Kit
(discussions have ensued that possibly she meant "survival kit"). From the poorly-worded description to the ugly packaging, to the insane price tag ($65!!), it's everything I've always wanted. After sex.
Ooh ooh! Purity Ring Party
! I need one of those, too! C'mon, let's have one! Better yet, let's host a Purity Ring Party at the same time as one of those sex toy parties! Then we can be all, "What? If I'm not having sex, I need a new vibrator." And the Purity Ring Party includes such discussions as "Are you a Woman or a Wife?" Because you can only be one at a time, I guess. And all women are wanton whores begging for sex from anyone while wives only do it for the babies.