40cakes | Oh MySpace.

You have a new MySpace message from Jack!

"hi i am a swm 26 from south jersey if u wanna chat email me or im me on aim at sentra2269
ur cute"

My goodness, Jack. Your command of the English language has won me over and swept me off my feet. You must be a Schalick grad.

And then, "Wait a second, that picture looks familiar. IS he a Schalick grad?"

And then, "Holy shit. It's Jack-o." Aka this guy who tried to hook up with me when I was a Freshman at the Elmer Fire Hall at Katie Cook's Sweet 16. He doesn't recognize me. This is fabulous. I have to email Desi with this. Aw, shit.

It's good that he's looking to meet honest fun girls who provide affection though. That's why all his friends are the girls with pictures of "LOOK! BOOBIES! I HAVE BOOBIES! DID YOU PERCHANCE NOTICE MY BOOBIES? BECAUSE I HAVE SOME! NOT ONE, BUT TWO!"

Oh Elmer. There are some days I really miss you, you little redneck pissant town. Tear.