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40cakesWhile sitting on the toilet the other day, I noticed that the side of the package of Tampax Pearl informs me that these are "Tampons as extraordinary as you are."
Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! I hope not. That's heavily armed with guilt. "Your tampon is smart enough to work out Calculus equations and obtain a college degree, and here you are just sticking it up your twat. You should be ASHAMED, madam." I need my tampons to be as about extraordinary as a small, rolled-up paper towel with a string on it. I suppose that marketing line wasn't as pretty, though.
Or is that line supposed to be a poor reflection of me? I am fit to absorb blood. As extraordinary as a non-sentient janitor. A robot janitor, if you will, only one made of absorbent materials. Until the robots go berserk and figure that the most efficient way of absorbing blood is to just hack up all the women and absorb the blood straight away and then Will Smith has to figure out how to stop them. Aided by the guy who plays Dwight Schrute to be the nerdy hacker Will knew in college and now needs to call upon for help. Directed by Uwe Boll. Or the douche who did Captivity.
My point being, a man totally came up with that line. Like, "What's our new tagline? We want to push the product while making women feel loved."
"Uh...'tampons as extraordinary as you are.'"
"Great! Whaddya wanna do with the rest of the afternoon?"
"Have a few beers, not bleed through our pants! HAR HAR HAR!"
But how's your day going?
Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! I hope not. That's heavily armed with guilt. "Your tampon is smart enough to work out Calculus equations and obtain a college degree, and here you are just sticking it up your twat. You should be ASHAMED, madam." I need my tampons to be as about extraordinary as a small, rolled-up paper towel with a string on it. I suppose that marketing line wasn't as pretty, though.
Or is that line supposed to be a poor reflection of me? I am fit to absorb blood. As extraordinary as a non-sentient janitor. A robot janitor, if you will, only one made of absorbent materials. Until the robots go berserk and figure that the most efficient way of absorbing blood is to just hack up all the women and absorb the blood straight away and then Will Smith has to figure out how to stop them. Aided by the guy who plays Dwight Schrute to be the nerdy hacker Will knew in college and now needs to call upon for help. Directed by Uwe Boll. Or the douche who did Captivity.
My point being, a man totally came up with that line. Like, "What's our new tagline? We want to push the product while making women feel loved."
"Uh...'tampons as extraordinary as you are.'"
"Great! Whaddya wanna do with the rest of the afternoon?"
"Have a few beers, not bleed through our pants! HAR HAR HAR!"
But how's your day going?
