If You're Just Not That Into Me, Then Just Go Away

[40cakes]

Due to recent events with hometown friends, I've been thinking about the many douchebag ex-boyfriends we have amongst us. When I was breaking up with Rob, my mom gave me a copy of He's Just Not That Into You to read. I resisted at first, because I didn't need the book - I wasn't one of those girls* who needed a trendy self-help book to wake her up from a bad relationship. I was wrong, as we all know.**

And after breaking up, I felt like such a loser. He just wasn't into me and that's why he was a filthy, miserable jerk - he was trying to make ME break up with HIM and I was the sad sack who just didn't get it. But then. "No. Wait a minute. I tried breaking up with him LOADS of times! Every time, he just convinced me that I was blowing the situation^ out of proportion and it wasn't worth breaking up over and I obviously just had PMS!" Similarly, I had a friend who was with a guy for YEARS who had been cheating on her for the entirety of the relationship (unbeknownst to her until the relationship ended). And when she tried to break it off with him, he convinced her that her waning feelings were part of any relationship, and that the two of them would soldier on together.

So I've been wondering, where the Hell is that chapter, Greg? "When He's Just Not That Into You, But Won't Get Out Of You"? About the guy who doesn't return your calls, doesn't do anything nice for you, is in relationships with other people, but still doesn't want you to leave. Discuss.

* "Those girls" as defined as a perhaps fictional group of females containing a specific trait you deny you have or who do things you pretend you don't do.
** Or I hope you know. The current boyfriend is Kirk. Thanks for keeping up with the recaps.
^ The situation: Any variety of happenings that could all be boiled down to the same factor - Rob being a douchebag.

Comments

[bonadeamania.livejournal.com]

That is a damn good question. I had one of 'Those Guys' last year. We need that chapter.

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

I mean, most self-help books are based on sweeping generalizations - not all men (all 3 billion of them) express affection in the same way, or express lack thereof in the same way. I once made fun of a guy who hit on me in a bar, and a lot of guys on my friends list stepped up to bat for him: "It's hard to get up the nerve to talk to random women! At least he had the balls to do that!" Really? According to Greg Behrendt, guys do it all the time, and women should never approach a man, because if he likes her, he will instantly go claim her!

The best relationship/breakup book would say, "Sit down by yourself and figure out what you want in an ideal relationship. If this relationship is not giving you what you want, then stop it." Admittedly, this would be more of a pamphlet, so you couldn't sell it as hardcover or anything, and no one would make money. Sad.

[bonadeamania.livejournal.com]

Good advice! I just don't get the whole not wanting to break up especially if there is somebody else they end up with a week later. I am not bitter! ;-)
(I am actually way better off now and thankful!)

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

I figured I was the only one stupid enough to put up with my ex, and then he pretty much immediately found someone stupid enough to marry him, so I understand the bitterness :) I too am much better off without 'im.

[cheekybaby.livejournal.com]

"When He's Just Not That Into You, But Won't Get Out Of You"?

I love you, man.

I have to finish reading that book. I was just thinking about it yesterday. It's not that I think I don't need it because I'm not one of THOSE girls. More that it takes an awful lot of convincing for a guy to prove that he IS into me. I usually just assume he's just not that into me until proven, vehemently, otherwise. :)

In retrospect, I needed it in high school/college. A lot. Post college, too. But I think I'm better now. :)

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

It was a funny book to read, and a bit of an eye-opener for me, personally. "I'm not a doormat! I'm not one of those girls! I just put forth every ounce of effort in my relationship, that's all!"

And you're better now! You have a bear!

[cheekybaby.livejournal.com]

Yes, and you have a Kirk! :)

I only read the first chapter so far, and spent much of it thinking, "Well, yeah... duh..." But I wasn't so cocky back in the day. :)

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

Ah yes. I was not so cocky previously, either. "But he really does love me! No one understands him like I do! What will he do without me? He's not like that when it's just us!"

[decembermalice.livejournal.com]

Sorry for a totally random comment but I thought you might be interested in this:

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/tfr/241030180.html

Someone in Brooklyn wants to put together a team for world series of pop culture. Maybe you could go for it?

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

I tried for it last year and failed at the written test, so I think I've given up for this year. I'll retrain for next year's competition! Thanks for thinking of me, though. I just got Trivial Pursuit 80's if you're up for a game at Van Gogh's or elsewhere.

[jaina.livejournal.com]

ME TOO PLZ :D

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

I like the teddy bear theory :)

I know it's not just guys, I was just thinking of that because of that particular book. I remember when I was working retail in college that there was a couple who both worked there, and each wanted to break up but neither wanted to actually perform the break up, so they were both cheating on each other. In the end, both parties acted like they were innocent and couldn't believe the other would DO SUCH A THING!!!! Oy.

[arafel.livejournal.com]

*snicker* I couldn't have said it better.

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

Indeed :)

[nothingjerk.livejournal.com]

sometimes i wonder if I'm that douche bag too

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

Oh honey, you're never a douchebag. You always bring candy and comic books and puzzles!

[nothingjerk.livejournal.com]

Oh and a Douchebag would never try and bribe people's affection.

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

If that's true, you bribe us all well, what with the Bill O'Reilly and candy canes.

[nothingjerk.livejournal.com]

I can't take credit for Bill O'Reilly, that was another John's Puzzle we just assembled it on my desk

maybe I'm a generous Douchebag

[physhtanks.livejournal.com]

My personal opinion is that you just shouldn't date people from Elmer - never ends well for anyone.

It must have been a Thanksgiving thing, cause I realized on Turkey Day break that I am finally over all of my baggage from high school/first year of college - which I am not sure that I ever informed you on...sooo, yeah. Yea turkey and not dating people who don't have their shit together.

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

My personal opinion is that you just shouldn't date people from Elmer - never ends well for anyone.

I feel I should agree, if for no other reason than my wariness about some of the guys doesn't stem from their personalities or actual bad things they do, but from the feeling, "They LOOK like a redneck asshole!"

Yay for turkey and not dating people who don't have their shit together!

[physhtanks.livejournal.com]

Appearance definitely matters - granted, I doubt that all people from said small, redneck town are that bad - but if authors can make sweeping generalizations, I can too!

Totally agree on the frustration tho...

[imre-nico.livejournal.com]

That's called emotional terrorism.

It's a common technique of the armchair sociopath.

I say 'armchair', not because Rob was particularly amateur at being an sociopathic douchebag, but more because he never did anything but sit around and not do things.

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

Not to be confused with the deckchair sociopath, who does the same nasty things, but at least in a fabulous lakeside location.

I forget occasionally that not everyone is rational, especially not when it comes to relationships, but I don't understand that if you don't want to be with someone, and they give you an out, WHY WOULDN'T YOU TAKE IT?!

[k-diddy.livejournal.com]

I still see him as this thing (http://katharinad.7host.com/random/socialretard.jpg), AND ALWAYS WILL.

[fadingembers.livejournal.com]

Me tooooo!