Purity Princess!!!
Aug. 30th, 2006 12:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
40cakesOMG I think I need the Purity Princess Survivor Kit (discussions have ensued that possibly she meant "survival kit"). From the poorly-worded description to the ugly packaging, to the insane price tag ($65!!), it's everything I've always wanted. After sex.
Ooh ooh! Purity Ring Party! I need one of those, too! C'mon, let's have one! Better yet, let's host a Purity Ring Party at the same time as one of those sex toy parties! Then we can be all, "What? If I'm not having sex, I need a new vibrator." And the Purity Ring Party includes such discussions as "Are you a Woman or a Wife?" Because you can only be one at a time, I guess. And all women are wanton whores begging for sex from anyone while wives only do it for the babies.
[Poll #810315]
Ooh ooh! Purity Ring Party! I need one of those, too! C'mon, let's have one! Better yet, let's host a Purity Ring Party at the same time as one of those sex toy parties! Then we can be all, "What? If I'm not having sex, I need a new vibrator." And the Purity Ring Party includes such discussions as "Are you a Woman or a Wife?" Because you can only be one at a time, I guess. And all women are wanton whores begging for sex from anyone while wives only do it for the babies.
[Poll #810315]
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2006-08-30 04:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 04:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 04:52 pm (UTC)Mmm, sweet and sour... :)
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Date: 2006-08-30 04:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 04:31 pm (UTC)Oh, my... dude, I know about STD(')s, but I HAVE to find out my worth as a girl created by God! Shit, son, that's worth $50 right there! :)
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Date: 2006-08-30 04:51 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2006-08-30 05:57 pm (UTC)Warning: mysql_pconnect(): Access denied for user: 'freelandband@localhost' (Using password: YES) in /home/.sites/93/site37/web/quote.php on line 223
Couldn't connect to server.
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Date: 2006-08-30 06:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 06:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 05:57 pm (UTC)Man. That can't be good. :)
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Date: 2006-08-30 06:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 06:06 pm (UTC)Yeah, lots of stuff to factor in -- pollutants, all that Aqua-Net back in the day, subliminal Devil messages in Bon Jovi & Springsteen songs. :)
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Date: 2006-08-30 06:40 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2006-08-30 05:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 05:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 04:41 pm (UTC)WHAT
THENOOKIE WHAT
SO STIK IT UP UR YEAH!
STIK IT UP UR YEAH!!!111
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Date: 2006-08-30 04:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 04:50 pm (UTC)Oh, and by the way, I always wax my furniture with Purity Pledge. It's cherry scented. ;)
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Date: 2006-08-30 04:57 pm (UTC)Then I got a boyfriend. It was totally harder to keep a pledge once you had one of those. And nail polish and shower caps and makeup only make the issue more difficult, methinks. Unless you're supposed to take cold showers often, polish your nails to resist touching yourself, and sharpen your eyeliners to perfect matching points every time you get a dirty thought and think about nails on the cross or something.
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Date: 2006-08-30 05:39 pm (UTC)For only $4.99 you can analyze his intentions: "Ladies…how would you like to have a questionnaire that will help you to make the right choices in men!!! This questionnaire is so much fun and very informative! It will definitely have you thinking and making you say… HUMMM?"
Uh, say "hummm"?? Apparently one who speaks for God needs no copy editor.
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Date: 2006-08-30 05:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 06:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 06:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 07:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 07:10 pm (UTC)In other words, yes. It's okay to have gay sex as long as you're not REALLY gay.
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Date: 2006-08-30 04:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 05:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 05:50 pm (UTC)WTF? So a *good* girl sews and paints her nails and only does gender-typical girly things? I guess that liking football and being able to repair my car's engine and building my own computers and being comfortable with several flavors of Linux makes me an evil God-hating dyke who probably aborts babies for fun and profit.
First person to point out that my daughter is a pretty pretty princess who loves to paint her nails, wear a tiara, and wears Cinderella underroos DIES. XD
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Date: 2006-08-30 06:02 pm (UTC)As long as she paints her nails and puts on her tiara and underroos before repairing the car's engine using Linux while watching the football game, it's okay :)
Yeah, good girls sew and paint their nails pretty pretty pink! Maybe this kit is aimed at keeping women away from men for as long as possible until the arranged marriage can be set up.
The site also says "No sex before marriage. No sex after divorce." What if a married couple is separated? What if they have family in different places and everyone can't afford the travel, so they have two weddings so everyone can see the spectacle. Divorce takes a long time - can you have sex with other people during the proceedings? What about the attorney? Can you have sex with your spouse's attorney? Can massive legal orgies come into play? How does this work?
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Date: 2006-08-30 06:11 pm (UTC)The first marriage is the one that OKs sex. The second is a dress-up party.
No sex during proceedings. Is also considered adultery and, if proven, makes you look REAAAAALLY scummy in court. Especially if it's your spouse's attorney. XD
I have it easy. I never really liked sex to begin with. *shrug* It just happens to be a lot of fun to talk about.
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Date: 2006-08-30 06:44 pm (UTC)But if the second marriage is a dress-up party, then you can't wear white OMG!!!! When I still went to a girls-only youth group in college, they started a sermon with, "Picture yourself on your wedding day, in your white gown. Now, picture that white gown stained and tainted everywhere your husband or your previous boyfriends have touched you." My first thought was, "Hee, polka dots!" but my second was, "Well, even if you only have held hands and kissed, you're still gonna have black gloves and lipstick and everyone will get the wrong idea ANYWAY."
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Date: 2006-08-30 06:27 pm (UTC)...I think I need to start making skankier costumes.
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Date: 2006-08-30 06:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 06:09 pm (UTC)Me is Niether
Maybe I'm a whore
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Date: 2006-08-30 06:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 07:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-30 07:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 02:32 pm (UTC)DAMMIT I AM A PERSON NOT A ROLE YOU BIBLE POUNDING FREAKS.
Er. yes. That is all.