After having gotten my drink on...

[40cakes]

So, party.

Birthday party for Mark, one of our security guys. When I arrive, it's pretty dull, as it's mostly his friends, mostly average booze, and bad music. Slowly more Boscovians arrive and the party just gets rip roarin'.

Inside, I hear noises down the hall. They would be coming from Mark's three year old son, who is still awake at 10pm. One can hardly blame him, what with hella loud hip hop music, drunkards, and people smoking pot right outside his window.

Joe, who usually gets stone drunk and moody at parties, has decided to grow beer muscles. Someone who has offhandedly called him "gay" is now the object of his anger, and he spends the evening calling the guy out into the street (the driveway) as everyone tries to calm him down.

BeautyQueen!Nancy shows her concern for Joe by stating, "The drama tonight was supposed to be about me!"

And now, some character backgrounds.

Rich - Pretty boy. Would fit right in with *NSync. I decided he was not worth a second glance after the following conversation took place, re: women in Boscov's he would sleep with:

RICH
Oh man, I'd take the chick from Dresses any day.

MIKE
Which one?

RICH
The Spanish one...the manager.

MIKE
Lourdes?

RICH
Aw, yeah, man, she's hot.

MIKE
Yeah, man, but she's got, like, two kids.

RICH
Yeah, but haven't you always wanted to do that, man? You know, fuck a mom?

CASEY
Holy shit, Freud would have a field day with you.

RICH
Who's Freud? Is that that dude from Ritz Camera?

CASEY
(Blinks, returns to Patio Furniture Assembly without reply)

Dated BeautyQueen!Nancy for a while. Until recently, in fact. And while dating her, he entertained the company of a few other young ladies, including a chica from Housewares and one from Cosmetics. One can almost sympathise with him; after all, his girlfriend smells like plastic wrap and hemorrhoid cream. At other parties, when asked, "Hey, Rich, where's Nancy?" would reply, "Oh, man, you said the 'N' word..."

BeautyQueen!Nancy - Dated Rich for a while. While dating Rich, was seeing someone else. Good friends with aforementioned girl in Housewares, in a future wedding party with aforementioned girl from Cosmetics. Confessed to High School friend that while having sex with Rich, has fallen asleep on occasion, to wake up and ask, "Oh, is that it?" One can almost sympathise with her; her boyfriend was a complete retard.

BQN is at party last night, telling everyone that Rich has the tiniest dick in the world. Repeatedly. Had someone call Rich and tell him about the party so he could arrive and have someone tell him that BQN has been telling everyone this. Rich arrives with a friend, and seems pretty cool about the fact that his ex-girlfriend is completely drunk, and walks by him every now and then like he should be sorry he lost someone as awesome as her.

I shall now insert an editorial. Cheating is dumbxor. All it does is waste the time of everyone involved. Rich and Nancy obviously didn't like each other. Everything would be easier if they had just broken up. Instead, Rich sleeps around and Nancy dates someone else. I'm a child of the Lifetime Network, and have been taught that cheating men deserve some sort of delectable torture in return. Nancy seems to have been taught this, too. He cheated and now he has to pay. However, she doesn't seem to understand that she cheated on him, too, and that was wrong. I hate people. To paraphrase a friend, "This is why I'm straight."

Housewares girl now has to deal with the wrath of a whiny self-centered beauty queen. BQN doesn't want to confront Cosmetics girl just yet, as they are both in Shannon's wedding party. However, she plans to tell Cosmetic girl's boyfriend what she did with Rich at Shannon's reception. Yeah, that's a good thing to do to a friend. Break up a couple at her wedding.

Anyway, so BQN keeps walking past the front porch, shooting little asides to the rest of us like Rich can't hear what she's saying. Fun things.

NANCY
Oh, did you hear? Rich had the balls to go fuck the girl from Housewares. (walks away)

CASEY
And here I always thought you needed a penis to fuck a girl. Shit, don't tell me we've been doing it wrong all this time.

And

NANCY
Did you know? Rich goes after anything with big tits!

CASEY
(bites tongue)That's not true; he went after you!

In the end, she had the guys there beat him up for "talking shit about her." Yeah, cause she was a defenseless princess the entire time. Like her flattening his tires? Poor thing. Sigh.

to be continued...

Comments

Great song!

[ivyflora.livejournal.com]

I read both parts of your post, and wow, I feel much pain for you. I try to avoid parties at all costs for reasons like this - ridiculously stupid people. At least you get the satisfaction of knowing you are far superior and have much better genetics than the rest of those dingdongs. ;)