Thoughts and Fears While Listening to U2
Aug. 2nd, 2002 01:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
40cakesTook me 3 1/2 weeks to go through all of my mp3's. May be 4 weeks if I don't finish until Monday.
I'm horrible at correspondence and I hate that about myself. Susan is a really good friend, and I don't want to lose that, but I already feel myself slipping into my procrastination ("I'll reply to her email tonight, really I will.") Maybe it's because I've moved so many times, who knows? But I always promise that I'll never lose touch with a person and then poof! Where's the touch?
Melissa used to be my bestest friend in the world (circa 1993). We were exactly alike, spent every weekend at each other's houses, took all the same classes. We were both geeks, and we both moved from Florida the same summer. We visited each other, flying on planes and crossing state lines and such for the next few years, trading letters and phone calls. We were gonna be BFF! Bridesmaids at each other's weddings, my kids were gonna call her Aunt Melissa, her kids call me Aunt Casey. This past April, when I wished her a happy birthday, she sent me an IM asking "Who is this?" After sixth grade, she became thin and pretty and popular and sporty. I became...well, me.
In middle school, Amanda, Heidi, and myself were inseparable. When eighth grade was over, we were all going to different high schools (ah, Kansas), but we planned on hanging out still. Then my family decided to move to Jersey. We had one last sleepover hurrah to make up for it, and even decided to meet in four years, after high school graduation, to see where our lives had taken us. We wrote down predictions, too, in scrawled eighth grade cursive. I think Heidi's came true- last I checked, she was getting married. Amanda had a baby our Junior year. I haven't talked to either of them in four years. We never met again after graduation.
Partially, these things happened because our lives became too different. Even when Melissa and I were online together, our conversations lasted about 20 minutes before we ran out of things to say to each other. And how could I complain to Amanda and Heidi about silly girl gossip when they're both trying to raise families and support themselves?
I'm afraid the same thing will happen with Sue and me. We'll be on the phone, and she'll be talking to me about what a prick David E. Kelley is in real life, and how come he's head writer if she created the show, and she's so glad she got to give her Emmy acceptance speech before he got to the microphone, and I'll be all, "Yeah, I bet he's an ass, but let me tell you about this guy at Boscov's..."
I have a friend I'm very happy for, and at the same time, she should just talk to her parents. She knows who she is.
I miss Rob.
The reason they say being on the computer all the time makes you depressed is because you miss human contact. For the last 3 months, my human contact has been coworkers at Boscov's and my family, with little visitings of prawnies. At the same time that I'm glad I don't talk to high school friends anymore (that bridge was burned, bombed, and the pieces were melted down and sold as scrap metal), I wish I had people around to hang out with.
My playlist is no longer playing U2, but I'm not changing the subject line, dammit.
I feel bad for not writing slutfic. Jaina's been writing a million and one things, and I've gotten about two sentences out. In a long while.
Rented Amelie tonight. Hope it is good.
Probably shouldn't say I'd like to kill people so many times. Will probably someday be used against me in a court of law. Along with my notes from any Honours class in college.
No, I'm not British. Or Canadian. I just like my words to have "u"s in them.
I hate that MSN disconnects me when I'm "idle" for 10 minutes. Especially when I'm not idle. Anyone know how to fix this? I had changed it to "never disconnect" once upon a time, but that was before the new and improved MSN that disconnects your Eva episode downloading at a really good speed.
Want to see more of Eva, so less things will be spoiled for me.
Want to watch "This is Otakudom" with someone who will actually understand it. Have to wait till I see Erin.
Going to sign off now. Have work again tomorrow morning. Bugger.
>^..^
I'm horrible at correspondence and I hate that about myself. Susan is a really good friend, and I don't want to lose that, but I already feel myself slipping into my procrastination ("I'll reply to her email tonight, really I will.") Maybe it's because I've moved so many times, who knows? But I always promise that I'll never lose touch with a person and then poof! Where's the touch?
Melissa used to be my bestest friend in the world (circa 1993). We were exactly alike, spent every weekend at each other's houses, took all the same classes. We were both geeks, and we both moved from Florida the same summer. We visited each other, flying on planes and crossing state lines and such for the next few years, trading letters and phone calls. We were gonna be BFF! Bridesmaids at each other's weddings, my kids were gonna call her Aunt Melissa, her kids call me Aunt Casey. This past April, when I wished her a happy birthday, she sent me an IM asking "Who is this?" After sixth grade, she became thin and pretty and popular and sporty. I became...well, me.
In middle school, Amanda, Heidi, and myself were inseparable. When eighth grade was over, we were all going to different high schools (ah, Kansas), but we planned on hanging out still. Then my family decided to move to Jersey. We had one last sleepover hurrah to make up for it, and even decided to meet in four years, after high school graduation, to see where our lives had taken us. We wrote down predictions, too, in scrawled eighth grade cursive. I think Heidi's came true- last I checked, she was getting married. Amanda had a baby our Junior year. I haven't talked to either of them in four years. We never met again after graduation.
Partially, these things happened because our lives became too different. Even when Melissa and I were online together, our conversations lasted about 20 minutes before we ran out of things to say to each other. And how could I complain to Amanda and Heidi about silly girl gossip when they're both trying to raise families and support themselves?
I'm afraid the same thing will happen with Sue and me. We'll be on the phone, and she'll be talking to me about what a prick David E. Kelley is in real life, and how come he's head writer if she created the show, and she's so glad she got to give her Emmy acceptance speech before he got to the microphone, and I'll be all, "Yeah, I bet he's an ass, but let me tell you about this guy at Boscov's..."
I have a friend I'm very happy for, and at the same time, she should just talk to her parents. She knows who she is.
I miss Rob.
The reason they say being on the computer all the time makes you depressed is because you miss human contact. For the last 3 months, my human contact has been coworkers at Boscov's and my family, with little visitings of prawnies. At the same time that I'm glad I don't talk to high school friends anymore (that bridge was burned, bombed, and the pieces were melted down and sold as scrap metal), I wish I had people around to hang out with.
My playlist is no longer playing U2, but I'm not changing the subject line, dammit.
I feel bad for not writing slutfic. Jaina's been writing a million and one things, and I've gotten about two sentences out. In a long while.
Rented Amelie tonight. Hope it is good.
Probably shouldn't say I'd like to kill people so many times. Will probably someday be used against me in a court of law. Along with my notes from any Honours class in college.
No, I'm not British. Or Canadian. I just like my words to have "u"s in them.
I hate that MSN disconnects me when I'm "idle" for 10 minutes. Especially when I'm not idle. Anyone know how to fix this? I had changed it to "never disconnect" once upon a time, but that was before the new and improved MSN that disconnects your Eva episode downloading at a really good speed.
Want to see more of Eva, so less things will be spoiled for me.
Want to watch "This is Otakudom" with someone who will actually understand it. Have to wait till I see Erin.
Going to sign off now. Have work again tomorrow morning. Bugger.
>^..^
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no subject
Date: 2002-08-01 10:25 pm (UTC)Friendship drifting is an odd thing. I could probably go on and on about it, but I'm tired so I'll just say you're not the only one with this problem. I think my inner procrastinator got a degree specializing in communication, i.e. the sucking at.
Snoogins.
no subject
hey, my lj name came in handy
Date: 2002-08-04 11:06 pm (UTC)Sweetie. Why would I want to talk to my parents? I do that enough as it is...I don't want to be a total doof.
I guess I shouldn't post this publically because everyone can read it, and therefore my image of stoic, independent cosmopolitan will be ruined, but there are a few things I should say for edification purposes, so why not here?
Casey, you're a doll. I've never had a "best friend"- I like to stay away from terms like that, because they can cause problems and regret, and because I don't like getting close to people, because I know things change. People change. Time changes...everything. When I made the decision to move to Texas, I knew all these things would come into play, and I honestly wasn't sure how many people I'd stay in contact with, not only on their part but on mine; I'm a lazy ass myself when it comes to writing- your postcard is sitting on my desk and I swear I'm going to write stuff on it and stamp it and stick it in the outgoing mailbox really really soon! As far as the other 10 postcards go... Not only that, but who knows how my free time will be. Trying to have fun with friends was hard enough senior year when everyone was around- now that I'm halfway across the country and have tons of shit on my plate, who knows when I'll be online or back in town. People change. Life changes.
I changed a lot in college. When you say "Sue knows who she is"- you'd better realize that you played a big part in that. I didn't know who I was when I came to college, I was just another freaked out naieve kid. It wasn't until this past year that I really hung out with anyone besides you, so you've obviously played a big part in developing my character, and I want to thank you for giving me the freedom to scream 'MUTHERFUCKER MUTHERFUCKER PEEEEEENISSSS!!!!' at whim.
A while ago I thought we were losing touch. You were going insane at Boscov's, I was going insane in Bozorth, we did our own thing. I missed hours of nonsense in front of the computer, the K-Mart adventures, the bitching about Athena (who's probably given AIDS to the 50 frat boys who've date-raped her this summer) and all the other fun stuff. But I thought, time changes, people change, things change. Then I realized that no matter how insane our own lives got, we still managed to have three hour long conversations about nothing and relate better with one another than pretty much anyone else on campus in many ways.
We're buds. Not "best friends" or "BBF"s, charm-sharers or future godmothers of each other's children- we're friends who surpass these youthful titles because even if 6 months go by without a word from each other, you could still IM me and we could still have a three hour conversation about osmosis of the penis and what an asshole David E. Kelley really is and how great Colin Firth is in bed (I'm leaving that future prediction for either of us- we deserve it).
A friendship spans the changes in distance and time. I know myself as well as you know yourself- yeah, we'll be different one year, five years, even ten years from now, but our battle cry will always be the same (just read the survey results) and we'll always be able to identify each other's screennames, even if they're written in japanese half the time.
Don't get down. Nothing stays the same, but who would want to have to deal with Rowan housing forever? We're both going on to bigger, better, and more amazing things, and one day when we're billionaires in our thirties, and I own my film and tv empire and you own your international animation network with it's own merchandising line, we'll laugh about how we worried that we'd never see each other again over ten dollar cappucinos while the papparazzi ask for our autographs.
Rock on mon ami,
~Susan