Gonna be a long night
Jul. 17th, 2002 11:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
40cakesFeel like venting some thoughts.
I have a friend. Let's call her Tara. Tara is a genius. All through high school, I didn't want to hang out with Tara, because just being in her presence made me feel like an idiot. She's the smartest person I know, rather funny, and pleasant to be around, and so feeling like an idiot fell into the background.
Then Tara met Ryan.
More backstory.
The brothers three...how to describe them. Once upon a time, our friend Bessy was hit on by the youngest brother, Don. They started going out. Then Don brought his older brother Lou to a Halloween party, and Lou started dating another of our friends, Lili. The middle brother, Ryan was introduced, and he dated our friend Sharon.
In summation - three of our friends are dating three members of the same family. Got it? Good.
Ryan and Lou were assholes. Lou made his dislike of the rest of us rather public, and Lili hung out with us less and less. The whole thing frankly smacked of an abusive relationship, in my opinion. But Lili was in lurrrve...
Sharon isn't the brightest person in the universe. Men don't date her for the conversation, they date her for the fact that she's not particularly picky about who she's on the couch with. And when Ryan wandered up to her bedroom one day while they were home alone...well, she didn't seem too picky up there, either.
And just like a bad afterschool special, Ryan dumped Sharon after he found out she felt guilty and didn't desire a repeat performance.
The girls dating Ryan's brothers talked about Sharon behind her back. She was a whore. What was she thinking, having premarital sex? We always knew she'd be the first to give it up. Slut. I was personally on Sharon's side. Ryan was an asshole. To this day, I wouldn't mind giving him a smack in the mouth with a computer desk.
Months later, Ryan was hanging out with us (he was still part of the group, being brother to two of our friends' boyfriends), and he showed an interest in Tara. Bessy urged the relationship forward, and Lili warned against it. Tara listened to Bessy.
And Tara dated Ryan.
Tara studied every day after school. She was proficient in several musical instruments, and a member of the school band. She was in all honors and advanced placement classes. Ryan was in Special Ed.
It was obviously a match made in heaven.
The thought pops into my head that I shouldn't be sharing this story so publicly; I should keep it buried in my psyche and turn it into a Lifetime Original Movie someday (no! for Oxygen! yeah, prettykate!).
Ryan and Tara get hot and heavy. I leave for college and don't get the usual regular updates, but the close group of friends has split into those who date brothers and those who don't (or formerly did). Ryan is still an asshole. Tara doesn't break up with him.
Until Bug asks her out. Bug is a good boyfriend for Tara. He's intelligent; he's in her honors classes. He's a good guy, friendly, funny. He tells Tara how he feels about her one night, and she lets him know she feels the same.
Tara: "Yeah, I mean, Ryan was always lying to me, and he smoked, and he was into drugs, and he wasn't that smart, and all we did was argue. I wanted to break up with him, but I never had a good reason until now."
Stacy: "Because none of those things were real reasons, of course."
Tara dates Bug. They're cute and adorable.
Tara and Bug graduate and head to college; he north, she south. Tara breaks up with Bug because she was tired of "pretending to be in a relationship." I think it has something more to do with Len.
Tara dates Len. They get hot and heavy. Len has just dropped the "I love you" bomb on Tara. Tara is heavily flirting with Brett, debating leaving Len for him.
The bottom line, ladies - be you. You don't have to absolutely be in a relationship, do you understand? If someone treats you like shit, have the brains and the guts to tell them you deserve better and leave. Don't wait for your white knight, your tuxedo mask, your xena warrior princess, whatever, to come save you. There's a difference between shopping around for a proper man and buying everything that comes your way. Don't stay with a man just because nothing new has come by. Don't leave a man just because something new has come by. Know who you are. If you don't know who you are, you have no business being in a relationship, because the other person isn't going to find you while you sit on the couch and watch tv. Don't let your heart and libido throw your brains out the window.
You do not have to be in a relationship to have worth.
And if you believe that there's something wrong with you because you're single, find out what it is and fix it, then. Be you. Learn how to entertain yourself when you're home alone (with ways other than masturbation and porn). Talk to yourself every day. Know what you like. Know what you want.
This rant was hella long.
And Tara, if you happen to read this, I'm sorry if you find it blunt. But maybe you should dump all the men in your life and relax and be Tara. It won't be that hard, I promise. I also promise I liked the single Tara infinitely more than man-hopping Tara.
>^..^
I have a friend. Let's call her Tara. Tara is a genius. All through high school, I didn't want to hang out with Tara, because just being in her presence made me feel like an idiot. She's the smartest person I know, rather funny, and pleasant to be around, and so feeling like an idiot fell into the background.
Then Tara met Ryan.
More backstory.
The brothers three...how to describe them. Once upon a time, our friend Bessy was hit on by the youngest brother, Don. They started going out. Then Don brought his older brother Lou to a Halloween party, and Lou started dating another of our friends, Lili. The middle brother, Ryan was introduced, and he dated our friend Sharon.
In summation - three of our friends are dating three members of the same family. Got it? Good.
Ryan and Lou were assholes. Lou made his dislike of the rest of us rather public, and Lili hung out with us less and less. The whole thing frankly smacked of an abusive relationship, in my opinion. But Lili was in lurrrve...
Sharon isn't the brightest person in the universe. Men don't date her for the conversation, they date her for the fact that she's not particularly picky about who she's on the couch with. And when Ryan wandered up to her bedroom one day while they were home alone...well, she didn't seem too picky up there, either.
And just like a bad afterschool special, Ryan dumped Sharon after he found out she felt guilty and didn't desire a repeat performance.
The girls dating Ryan's brothers talked about Sharon behind her back. She was a whore. What was she thinking, having premarital sex? We always knew she'd be the first to give it up. Slut. I was personally on Sharon's side. Ryan was an asshole. To this day, I wouldn't mind giving him a smack in the mouth with a computer desk.
Months later, Ryan was hanging out with us (he was still part of the group, being brother to two of our friends' boyfriends), and he showed an interest in Tara. Bessy urged the relationship forward, and Lili warned against it. Tara listened to Bessy.
And Tara dated Ryan.
Tara studied every day after school. She was proficient in several musical instruments, and a member of the school band. She was in all honors and advanced placement classes. Ryan was in Special Ed.
It was obviously a match made in heaven.
The thought pops into my head that I shouldn't be sharing this story so publicly; I should keep it buried in my psyche and turn it into a Lifetime Original Movie someday (no! for Oxygen! yeah, prettykate!).
Ryan and Tara get hot and heavy. I leave for college and don't get the usual regular updates, but the close group of friends has split into those who date brothers and those who don't (or formerly did). Ryan is still an asshole. Tara doesn't break up with him.
Until Bug asks her out. Bug is a good boyfriend for Tara. He's intelligent; he's in her honors classes. He's a good guy, friendly, funny. He tells Tara how he feels about her one night, and she lets him know she feels the same.
Tara: "Yeah, I mean, Ryan was always lying to me, and he smoked, and he was into drugs, and he wasn't that smart, and all we did was argue. I wanted to break up with him, but I never had a good reason until now."
Stacy: "Because none of those things were real reasons, of course."
Tara dates Bug. They're cute and adorable.
Tara and Bug graduate and head to college; he north, she south. Tara breaks up with Bug because she was tired of "pretending to be in a relationship." I think it has something more to do with Len.
Tara dates Len. They get hot and heavy. Len has just dropped the "I love you" bomb on Tara. Tara is heavily flirting with Brett, debating leaving Len for him.
The bottom line, ladies - be you. You don't have to absolutely be in a relationship, do you understand? If someone treats you like shit, have the brains and the guts to tell them you deserve better and leave. Don't wait for your white knight, your tuxedo mask, your xena warrior princess, whatever, to come save you. There's a difference between shopping around for a proper man and buying everything that comes your way. Don't stay with a man just because nothing new has come by. Don't leave a man just because something new has come by. Know who you are. If you don't know who you are, you have no business being in a relationship, because the other person isn't going to find you while you sit on the couch and watch tv. Don't let your heart and libido throw your brains out the window.
You do not have to be in a relationship to have worth.
And if you believe that there's something wrong with you because you're single, find out what it is and fix it, then. Be you. Learn how to entertain yourself when you're home alone (with ways other than masturbation and porn). Talk to yourself every day. Know what you like. Know what you want.
This rant was hella long.
And Tara, if you happen to read this, I'm sorry if you find it blunt. But maybe you should dump all the men in your life and relax and be Tara. It won't be that hard, I promise. I also promise I liked the single Tara infinitely more than man-hopping Tara.
>^..^
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no subject
Date: 2002-07-18 01:23 am (UTC)...ano, am I the only one who gets that little voice in your head that chants "Told ya so! Told ya so! NYAAAAH!"? ^_^;;;
no subject
Date: 2002-07-18 08:03 am (UTC)Now that I am older I feel different kinds of pressure than I did in college. I see ads everywhere reminding women NOT TO WAIT to have children. That they are "fooling themselves" into thinking they have have a child after 35. That we need to concentrate on what's really important - family, and not "selfish" things like a career. This wouldn't bother me so much if what everyone was pushing was something a person could create on their own. But in order to have that family by 35, ladies, you have to SNAG a man! You have to CATCH him! Your time is RUNNING OUT!
The pressure to be in a relationship grows and grows the older women get. It's sick. It's hard to be strong enough to resist it, but unless you have the ability to be happy & single, you will never be a part of a healthy couple.