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40cakesDear Landlord,
Given that the dumpster and bales of Godknowswhat have been on the front lawn since Thursday, then I agree that the best time to rip off our roof and put on a new one is obviously 8am on a Sunday. But while you're at it, let me suggest a few things we actually need more than a new roof.
1. A new refridgerator. One that isn't old and rusty and filthy and actually keeps things cold and doesn't reminisce about the Nixon administration every time I open it.
2. A new stovetop. Only two of the burners work, they all have leaves and berries trapped in them because apparently cavemen used to cook on them. This would not be such an awful concern of mine if you hadn't bought the downstairs apartment a brand new halogen rangetop last month. The comparison is something awful.
3. Geoff needs a new door that can't easily be broken into by the unscrupulous brother of his roommate. In fact, every door that locks here pretty much needs to be replaced since they are either so old and pliable or worn down that you can easily get in without a key, or are so off alignment that you have to put in the key, lean on the door, turn the key to the locked position, lift up on the doorknob, and turn the key to unlock to get out. Also, if you changed all the doors, this would alleviate your concern that just changing Geoff's door "wouldn't match the rest of the house."
4. Central air/heating that actually works and properly ventilates so that I don't sit in my room simmering while the rest of the house complains of frostbite.
5. Put the screen back on the screen door.
6. Grow some flowers in the yard.
7. Put a pool and jacuzzi in the backyard.
8. Throw out the two broken barbecue grills on the back porch, who probably voted for Eugene V. Debs, along with the fridge.
Or, rejecting all these, at least the next time something we actually need is broken, hows about you fix it rather than say, "That's not my problem; you should buy a new (insert item that will surely stay in apartment rather than come with the tenants as personal furniture)." It does make us more heartily recommend this slum if you're at least a nice slumlord.
Also, I can't actually believe there's someone fixing the roof, as it sounds like there's a 400-pound person playing DDR up there right now. Just sayin'. Maybe you should be here to supervise.
Theenks,
Casey
Given that the dumpster and bales of Godknowswhat have been on the front lawn since Thursday, then I agree that the best time to rip off our roof and put on a new one is obviously 8am on a Sunday. But while you're at it, let me suggest a few things we actually need more than a new roof.
1. A new refridgerator. One that isn't old and rusty and filthy and actually keeps things cold and doesn't reminisce about the Nixon administration every time I open it.
2. A new stovetop. Only two of the burners work, they all have leaves and berries trapped in them because apparently cavemen used to cook on them. This would not be such an awful concern of mine if you hadn't bought the downstairs apartment a brand new halogen rangetop last month. The comparison is something awful.
3. Geoff needs a new door that can't easily be broken into by the unscrupulous brother of his roommate. In fact, every door that locks here pretty much needs to be replaced since they are either so old and pliable or worn down that you can easily get in without a key, or are so off alignment that you have to put in the key, lean on the door, turn the key to the locked position, lift up on the doorknob, and turn the key to unlock to get out. Also, if you changed all the doors, this would alleviate your concern that just changing Geoff's door "wouldn't match the rest of the house."
4. Central air/heating that actually works and properly ventilates so that I don't sit in my room simmering while the rest of the house complains of frostbite.
5. Put the screen back on the screen door.
6. Grow some flowers in the yard.
7. Put a pool and jacuzzi in the backyard.
8. Throw out the two broken barbecue grills on the back porch, who probably voted for Eugene V. Debs, along with the fridge.
Or, rejecting all these, at least the next time something we actually need is broken, hows about you fix it rather than say, "That's not my problem; you should buy a new (insert item that will surely stay in apartment rather than come with the tenants as personal furniture)." It does make us more heartily recommend this slum if you're at least a nice slumlord.
Also, I can't actually believe there's someone fixing the roof, as it sounds like there's a 400-pound person playing DDR up there right now. Just sayin'. Maybe you should be here to supervise.
Theenks,
Casey
