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40cakesHow to Install A Door Lock, By ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fadingembers
1. Assemble the lock and proper tools. You will need:
- A Phillips Head Screwdriver
- A door lock that correctly fits your door and needs.
2. Remove the previous lock. Set aside.
3. Install bolt, with slant facing the way the door will close. Make sure bolt is correct size for door lock, and properly align screwholes in new bolt with previous holes. Screw.
4. Place knob with locking mechanism through door, aligning correctly with bolt.
5. Place interior knob against locking mechanism, properly aligning pieces.
6. Curse, and look at interior knob again to make sure you're doing this right. Align pieces.
7. Double-check the instructions to make absolutely sure you're doing this right, because the fucking fucker just won't line up and fit straight. Bastard.
8. Take deep breath, check everything, and try again. Hoorah!
9. Take long screws and screw through each side, going left to right. After left screw is fully in place, get stuck on right screw 1/4 of the way in. Unscrew screw. Screw in again. Unscrew screw. Screw in again. Unscrew screw all the way, loosen left screw, and screw right screw in again.
10. Accuse right screw of having improper relations with its nonexistant mother. Unscrew screw, screw in again.
11. Remove screw entirely with pliers as its head is now completely stripped. Use old screw. Screw in.
12. Curse colorfully. Use four-letter words whenever possible.
13. Unscrew left screw all the way and remove interior knob. Using a flashlight, make absolutely sure that knob is on correctly, and screws align properly throughout mechanism.
14. Repeat steps 9-13 4x.
15. Remove screws entirely, and lecture them on the fact that while they are part of a mass-produced, easily-replaced item, you are a thinking creature. With a hammer.
16. Repeat step 9.
17. Thirst for alcohol.
18. Stand back and bes all proud of new door knob!
19. Get booze, watch movies, all starring Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, and at least one Wilson brother.
20. MORTAL KOMBAT!
fadingembers1. Assemble the lock and proper tools. You will need:
- A Phillips Head Screwdriver
- A door lock that correctly fits your door and needs.
2. Remove the previous lock. Set aside.
3. Install bolt, with slant facing the way the door will close. Make sure bolt is correct size for door lock, and properly align screwholes in new bolt with previous holes. Screw.
4. Place knob with locking mechanism through door, aligning correctly with bolt.
5. Place interior knob against locking mechanism, properly aligning pieces.
6. Curse, and look at interior knob again to make sure you're doing this right. Align pieces.
7. Double-check the instructions to make absolutely sure you're doing this right, because the fucking fucker just won't line up and fit straight. Bastard.
8. Take deep breath, check everything, and try again. Hoorah!
9. Take long screws and screw through each side, going left to right. After left screw is fully in place, get stuck on right screw 1/4 of the way in. Unscrew screw. Screw in again. Unscrew screw. Screw in again. Unscrew screw all the way, loosen left screw, and screw right screw in again.
10. Accuse right screw of having improper relations with its nonexistant mother. Unscrew screw, screw in again.
11. Remove screw entirely with pliers as its head is now completely stripped. Use old screw. Screw in.
12. Curse colorfully. Use four-letter words whenever possible.
13. Unscrew left screw all the way and remove interior knob. Using a flashlight, make absolutely sure that knob is on correctly, and screws align properly throughout mechanism.
14. Repeat steps 9-13 4x.
15. Remove screws entirely, and lecture them on the fact that while they are part of a mass-produced, easily-replaced item, you are a thinking creature. With a hammer.
16. Repeat step 9.
17. Thirst for alcohol.
18. Stand back and bes all proud of new door knob!
19. Get booze, watch movies, all starring Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, and at least one Wilson brother.
20. MORTAL KOMBAT!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-09-10 12:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-10 03:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-10 03:57 pm (UTC)And the first part of step 19 should've been somewhere around step 9, either the first or second time.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-10 05:16 pm (UTC)those are always the best movies.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 01:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-11 02:46 am (UTC)i will prob never take the time out to do a "you're" on LJ
you watch football tommorrow?