40cakes | OMG about my daiey

Today was really cocktastic.

I got out of bed just before breakfast because the smell of cooking bacon woke me up.

I feel sad, because Sarah and Britney are complete bitches. They told everyone I have an STD, just because I slept with both of their boyfriends on Saturday night.

I'm so happy. I just found out that I have been accepted into Harvard. And Yale. I don't know which to choose... oh, why is life so hard sometimes?

Last night I had to masturbate twenty times. I'm so horny. Click here to see my website.

I want to tell the world that my girlfriend Amy is the bomb! She made pizza last night, and even though I burnt my lips on the cheese, it was awesome!!!

I am sharpening my knives before I go to work today, because I'm going to cut out Robert's heart and feed it to him for losing my mail.

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here's some photos of my cock.

I want to say thanks to the academy for giving me this award.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, which makes me different enough to be interesting, but the same as all the other cool people with bipolar disorder.

You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you what your favourite sexual position is.

Falcon! Pineapple! OoOOoOOOOoOOOOoH! WAKE UP!

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with some naked photos of myself. (Not safe for work - teehee).

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